


He is the Same

by rosesofenvy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, M/M, Platonic Relationship, all the art ive been seeing on tumblr and twitter, but i felt the need to get this out, first fic for fandom, im sorry please dont judge me, im very tired right now, ive had a rough couple of weeks and jsut, just some dudes being guys, listen ive just jumped on the lance angst train, no super gay stuff sorry, so inspiring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 02:20:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9798182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesofenvy/pseuds/rosesofenvy
Summary: Lance is just so tired and Keith is not good with emotions





	

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea after seeing s o m a n y angsty Lance arts on twitter (if it wasn't so late I would link them, hopefully I will get around to it because they were a major inspiration.  
> The title is from a song from an album that I listened to on repeat while writing (I will Link it below- on the first word- so you just have to click on it. Guillotine, Hand of God, All Time Low, iRobot, and He is the Same were the few that I was really inspired by).  
> I apologize for any weirdness I'm tired and I just wanted to post this and this is the first time writing for Voltron so I don't know how well it went.

[Lance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmSiJxEOVGs&list=PLY3x81RfO64egI-7nSPegB44kRwai4kn1) stares up at the ceiling in vain. He knows he needs sleep, especially with how their missions seemed to be one after another lately. He’s exhausted in more ways than one but sleep refuses to come and let him rest.

His thoughts are sluggish but persistent, and most of them are revolving around one subject: he’s the odd one out. Ever since their last mission to a moon engulfed almost entirely in lava, he realized how useless he really was. The entire fight he could do nothing to help, and any of his suggestions or appeals didn’t gain any positive reactions, just a “not now Lance” or a “that’s a bad idea Lance” and “you can’t help us right now Lance.”

That mission was two days ago.

He sits up in bed, internal clock telling him it's well past three in the morning and all of the others are, or at least should be, asleep. He hadn’t even changed into his pajamas tonight, much less do his ritualistic skincare routine. The worst part was, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

He shrugs his coat on and ventures out into the hall, a little unsteady on his feet probably due to the exhaustion but knowing that the longer he stayed in that room the less likely he would be able to rest.

The castle is very quiet at night, the most noise being from the energy currents through the walls. At this point, Lance could probably navigate it with a blindfold on. However he just wanted to wander in an attempt to work this anxious energy out, so he let his mind go blank and let his feet guide him wherever they wanted to go.

Before long a growl echoes in his bones and he looks up at the face of the Blue Lion, grimacing slightly at the accusing feeling.

“I know Blue, I tried to sleep though and it’s not working,” Lance answers to her head tilt. The Lion crouches and conveys for Lance to climb into her mouth, keeping the inner lights dim.

Lance would laugh at the motherly qualities of the lion if he could, but if he smiled he felt like he might break. He expels a sigh that sends a shiver through his whole body as he sits heavily on the baggage he’d left on the floor from the last mission.

“No I don’t want to sit in the chair Blue, it’s uncomfortable,” He huffs in exasperation, leaning back against the paneling behind him. “Can you just do me a favor and make sure no one can find me here? If I end up sleeping I want to be able to catch up on a lot of it,” Lance asks quietly, looking up as far as he could. A low growl vibrates his body and the corner of his mouth quirks up, “Thanks girl.”

 

* * *

 

“Anyone seen Lance today?” Pidge asks around a mouthful of whatever green sludge was on the menu for the morning. They aren’t paying attention to their current company however, more occupied with fiddling with the odd technology the team had dug up from the lava moon before it’d imploded.

“Wasn’t he sulking yesterday?” Keith deadpans, picking at his own food. Despite how long they’d been acquainted with it, he still didn’t really like it.

Hunk shrugs, replying before Pidge could, “He’s probably just tired. When we messed up on missions back at the Garrison- which we did a lot- he always took a couple of days to get out of his funk. I’m sure after a few face masks he’ll be right back to normal.”

At the head of the table, Allura tilts her head curiously, “What is a Face Mask and how will it make him feel better?”

“Its whatever materials Lance can find on this ship that are beneficial to his skin, it’s the weird stuff he spreads on his face every night,” Pidge replies grudgingly.

“Not much of a point when we’re the only ones who are going to see him if you ask me,” Keith grumbles, pushing away from the table. “I’ll be on the training deck if you all need me.”

They chorus goodbyes as he walks away, the rest of them set on enjoying their breakfast. “Coran are we going to stop on this nearby moon to check the ship's system for failures?” Allura asks after a few moments, pulling up a small map and moving it until her finger hovered over a small sphere blinking blue.”

“Why yes Princess that's exactly what I was planning!” Coran exclaims, “In fact I figured it would be a great example of a diplomatic mission from the Paladins. The natives on the moon would be a great beginning interaction for them.”

“That’s a great idea Coran,” Shiro speaks for the first time during their breakfast, “We certainly need more experience with the natives in the galaxy.”

“Should we drag Lance away from his Face Masks to join us?” Allura asks curiously.

Hunk winces, “Nah, let's give him a bit longer, I’m sure he’s appreciating the downtime.”

“Alright then, we’ll be in its atmosphere in a couple of ticks, I’ll notify all of you when it’s good to come down,” Coran says.

* * *

 

“Man, Lance’ll be upset he missed that,” Pidge says to Hunk, “Didn’t you say that was like the planet of mermaids you got stranded on?”

“Similar, not exactly the same though since the moon didn’t have a plant serpent thing trying to eat us,” Hunk replies. “Speaking of Lance, I’m going to go check on him before dinner.”

“Good luck,” Pidge says in mock seriousness, laying a hand on Hunk’s shoulder before grinning and turning back towards their lion.

Hunk hopes that Lance is feeling better by now, the longest it ever took him to get over a failed “mission” at the Garrison was three days, and that was only because he got bitched at by not only the commander, but got threatened with demotion back to cargo pilot if he didn’t get his act together.

“Lance?” He calls out as he knocks on the door, “You still alive?”Although he receives no answer, the door slides open and he takes a hesitant step into the room. He paws for the light on the wall before it catches and flips on.

He glances around curiously, observing the unmade bed and desk pristine- not covered in all of the skincare products Lance refuses to get rid of. He knows he’s not in the bathroom that’s connected the room either because the door is open and the light is off. 

“Maybe he already headed up for dinner,” Hunk mumbles to himself as he leaves the room.

 

* * *

 

 

Lance is dreaming and it is such a nice dream. He can hear the ocean in the background, the clashing of waves. He can feel the spray on his face and smell the water on the wind. The nostalgia punches him hard in the stomach and he feels tears well into his eyes. He can feel the concern of his lion but brushes it away as he begins picking his way across the rocks at the cliff. The sky is angry and grey as it lashes at the thin shirt and shorts he’s wearing, but it is this sort of weather that draws out the daredevils. He shivers in excitement as he makes his way faster to the tallest point of the cliff, feeling how strong the gusts were and how raucous the waves were beneath him.

This was home. It hurt so bad knowing he wasn’t there.

His breath chokes in his chest and he falls to his knees, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes as if he could stop them from flowing. The tears mix with the salty spray from the sea and he can barely differentiate the difference between the two of them. He heaves a great sigh and forces himself to keep it together. With a few more steps he’s at the very edge of the cliffs.

He really loved cliff jumping, as a kid it was the closest he could get to flying. Giving a large “whoop!” he sprints off of the rocks and into the air.

 

* * *

 

“Lance hasn’t already been up here has he?” Hunk asks as he sits at the table, noticing the empty chair.

“No, Pidge said you went to check on him,” Allura replies, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

“He wasn’t in his room.”

Shiro pauses, “What do you mean?

Hunk looks baffled, “That’s why I asked if he was up here, he wasn’t in his room so I assumed that he’d already come up for dinner.”

“Didn’t he skip dinner last night too?” Keith asks.

“I can have the ship scan for his whereabouts, “Allura says, flicking her fingers through the air and pulling up a hologram. They all watch as her eyebrows furrow and a frown graces her lips.

“That’s odd,” she says blandly.

“What’s odd?” Shiro and Hunk ask simultaneously.

“Although he is on the ship, I cannot pinpoint his location,” Allura spins the hologram a few times, all with the same results.

“We should look for him and make sure he’s not getting into any trouble,” Shiro stands, the dinner forgotten.

“Should we split up for efficiency?” Pidge asks.

“That would be the best idea, Keith and Hunk take the lower levels, Pidge and I will take the upper, message whenever you find him,” Shiro orders.

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m going to start with the lion hangars, you start on the next level up,” Keith says once they’re out of earshot of the others.  
  
“Ok sounds good,” Hunk replies, splitting off and hurrying down the hall .

Keith had a hunch, a very weird hunch, that Lance was with his lion. After all, how else would the castle not be able to find him? Logically the Blue Lion would be the only thing that might keep him hidden.

The hangar is dark, and for a moment Keith worries that he’s wrong (he would hate to be wrong), until the Blue Lion shifts, turning towards Keith and letting her mouth open just enough for someone to climb through.

He heaves a sigh of relief and crawls into her mouth with a quiet word of thanks. The inner lights are dimmed very low and he struggles to make sure he’s not going to knock anything accidentally.  
  
“Lance?” He asks as he gingerly makes his way to the center of the little room.  He should be in here, there was literally nowhere else he could be, but the pilot's seat is empty. A deep noise reverberates in his head and he winces at the unfamiliar voice of the Blue Lion, but obeyingly turns to see Lance curled up as much as his lanky body could in the small space between paneling and a storage box.

He crouches down and tilts his head in curiosity, sending a quick message to Shiro to not sound any alarms, Lance was safe. Although Shiro sent him a second inquisitive message, he ignored it in favor of shaking Lance’s shoulder gently.

“Buddy, Lance, you need to wake up,” He say, noticing suddenly how dark the circles under Lance’s eyes were. Blue had let the lights come on.

One of Lance's arms lashes out from where it was curled underneath his body, shoving Keith hard enough that he lost his balance with a sharp “hey!”

Lance sits up slowly, rubbing a hand over his eyes, “Keith?”

“Yes? What was that for?” Keith rubs a hand over his chest and glares at Lance until he gets a look at his expression, “Lance?”

Lance is staring down at his hands, eyebrows slightly furrowed that would be concern if he didn’t seem so detached. “Sorry. I didn’t realize it was you,” he murmurs.

“Are you ok?” Keith carefully moves back into a kneeling position, giving Lance space but getting close enough that he could tell how worn out Lance was, not just because his hands were shaking either.

Lance looks over at him, but keeps his eyes downcast, “How long have I been asleep?”

“We assumed you were in your room for the past day and a half,” Keith answers.

A spot on Lance’s jaw twitches and he closes his fist and lowers it to his lap, “Anything big happen while I was gone?”

Keith frowns, “Are you just going to ignore what I’m saying? Why were you here, sleeping in your lion and not in your room?”

“It’s fine Keith don’t worry about it,” Lance replies, shifting so that he could start to stand. Before he can get fully upright however, his legs seem to give out and Keith scrambles to catch him. He keeps a tight grip on his forearms until Lance straightens and gives him a stony look.

“Lance when was the last time you even ate?”

“I said I’m fine Keith!” Lance snaps, trying to jerk out of Keith's grip but can’t quite manage it. Keith’s mind is racing through the events of the last few days, back to the last mission. Lava moon, Red was the only lion that could do much, there were a few things that the other lions could help with except for…

“Are you still upset about the lava moon mission? You shouldn’t be, it wasn’t that big of a deal,” Keith says, examining Lance’s expression as he says this and sees how emotion washes over his expression.

“It’s not just about that mission Keith, it’s about every mission!” Lance bursts out, finally succeeding in pulling away as he shoves hard against Keith’s shoulder. “Every mission is me lagging behind trying to help and being told that there’s nothing I can do right now and that I just need to wait until you guys handle it and even my ideas are shot down and I shouldn’t even be a paladin this was all a big mistake!” It isn’t until he stops yelling that he realizes that he’s crying, stupid crocodile tears and shaking shoulders.

“Lance…” Keith is so stunned he doesn’t know what to say, or how to even deal with the crying. He’s really not good with dealing with other people’s extreme emotions. The Blue Lion growls in aggravation and that spurs Keith forward enough to awkwardly hold onto Lance’s shoulder before sighing in defeat and sort of hugging him. It was hard to do because Lance was covering his face with his hands and wouldn’t remove them.

“Listen, you’re tired and probably malnourished at this point, let's go back to your room ok?” Keith suggests softly. The Blue Lion obediently opens her maw and after a few moments Lance sniffs and follows Keith into the still darkened hangar.

He sends a second message to Shiro saying to keep the others away from their route from the hangar to Lance’s room. The blue paladin was a mess and Keith really didn’t want to deal with their criticism with how he’s handling the situation.

He glances over at Lance, noticing how his shoulders are drooped and tense, looking as exhausted as someone could be. His expression is emotionless and dull, choosing to focus moreso on his feet than anything else.

The door to Lance’s room slides open and the two of them just stand just inside of the entrance.

“Do you want the lights?” Keith asks hesitantly, starting to reach for the light switch but is stopped by the sharp shake of Lance’s head. The teen goes and sits on his unmade bed, looking very small amongst the crumpled blankets.

“You can sit here with me,” He mutters, patting the empty space.

Keith tilts his head at the awkward invitation but obediently goes to sit beside Lance. With the dim light of the technology of the room, he can suddenly see that Lance is crying again, quietly letting the tears roll down his cheeks and off the tip of his nose and chin.

“Lance…” He pauses, really not sure what he should say, “Do you want to talk about it.?”

Lance barks out a short laugh, “Basically spilled it back there. I’m pretty useless as a paladin after all.”

“You’re not useless Lance, you’ve helped us out loads before,” Keith replies with a crease of confusion between his brows.

Lance slides a look to him, reaching up to rub at his face. “I don’t have a thing Keith, not like you and the others, including Coran and Allura. I’m just tired of it you know? I don’t deserve to be here right now.”

“The Blue Lion chose you for a reason, I’m sure she could say something different,” Keith protests. Lance raises an eyebrow at him and shakes his head.

“She doesn’t get it either, neither do you,” with that Lance lets himself fall backwards onto the bed, putting his palms underneath his head.

“Then explain it to me,” Keith orders, getting frustrated. He didn’t like hearing Lance talk this way about himself.

It’s a few quiet moments before Lance starts talking.

“I just, I have a large family back home you know? There’s not much to get noticed when you have a bunch of younger siblings and you can handle yourself. I was hoping the whole “passing over the middle child” thing would end here, but it’s only gotten worse. I’m just doing the best that I can and it’s not enough. I couldn’t make the cut as a fighter pilot, it’s no wonder I’m useless here.”

“Lance you’re not useless-, “ Keith protests before Lance cuts him off.

“Please stop Keith, just let me have my self depreciating moments.”

Keith huffs in annoyance and glares down at the floor, letting the silence permeate the room until it becomes almost unbearable. Just as he opened his mouth to say something, Lance beat him to it.

“If I cry anymore I could drown us,” Lance mumbles tiredly, still lying flat on his back and staring up at the ceiling.

“Do you want me to go so you can sleep?” Keith asks hesitantly, starting to move as if to leave.

“No,” Lance says quickly then pauses, collecting himself, “Please, I can’t sleep right now and I just…” He sits up to look at Keith, looking flushed for a moment before turning his head away, “Don’t leave me alone.”

Keith is startled but nods, settling back down onto the bed, “Ok, what do you want to talk about?”

Lance sighs, flopping back onto the bed, “Anything but this.”


End file.
